Who does he think he is?

My husband is cheating on me. With the girl from my favorite reality TV show. All to get just a few minutes of fame. Jaron, don't you know that everyone knows you are married with a child and another one on the way? Get OFF of the TV! You are making a fool out of yourself. The fact that both you and Ed are 29 years old, Chicago Cubs fans, and like to wear "man-kini's" cannot be a mere coincidence.

Jill, I'll forgive you because you probably didn't know the truth before you fell in love with him. But he's MINE and you can't have him. Sorry. Good news though...Reed is outside your door hoping once again that maybe, you have had a change of heart and really DO want to marry him. So I say, Go for it! There is no need to live your life alone.

Jaron, get your a** home. The lawn needs to be mowed.


(Ed from ABC's The Bachelorette, 2009)

(Jaron, with his FAMILY...hint, hint, Jill)

You know you've gained weight when...

(a twist on my "You know you're pregnant when..." posts)

Your 4-year-old daughter comes up behind you while you're putting on makeup, and insistently tries to pull and stretch your underwear over your "derriere" to make them cover a little more...area...

"uggghh, if they could just...errr, stretch a little this way...ummmm, nope. These are not going to work." ---Livia

I must be carrying the spawn of...

Chuck Norris.

He's practicing his karate skills on my belly button right now. He's probably chewing on tin-foil and contemplating his escape from solitary confinement.
I bet he even has a red beard and a little ninja suit.

He weighs barely over a pound is the size of a large mango, but has the strength of a full-grown man with a black belt in Jiu Jitsu. I wouldn't be surprised if I end up with a fractured rib or two.

I probably won't even have to push him out when he's born. He'll just karate-chop or round-house kick his way out of my stomach. I'm even considering throwing out the name we have picked for him and going with something like...Walker Texas Ranger.

Mmmm....I'm suddenly craving BBQ. Coincidence?

You know you're pregnant when...

So I've decided to start a series of new posts beginning with "you know you're pregnant when..." There are just too many crazy things that happen on a daily basis while you are pregnant to pass up sharing with others. Or, at least myself for later reference.

So, here goes my first one. And I'm starting with something I've already felt for a long time, nothing new...I've probably already shared this thought with a few of you.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE PREGNANT WHEN...

You no longer find shopping for clothes an enjoyable experience. Actually, it's quite the opposite...DREADFUL.

Ugh...